"Playing Pretend" a blovel by SiNgUrL - Chapter 1: "Best Friends" - Blovel Spot
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Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Void On Christmas
Waking up at five o'clock to go to the bathroom, I climbed down from our double deck sleepily. Outside, I could hear Christmas songs playing from our barangay's little chapel. Our house help was already there waiting for the "Simbang Gabi"like how she did everyday. I passed by my uncle's bed and he hasn't arrived yet and I wondered where he could be and asked her, our house help, if she knew but like any of us, she didn't.
I climbed back to bed feeling cold. The wind is chilly this time of the year here in the Philippines and I wondered how lower the temperature in our province could be.
After drinking water from my new personalized tumbler, I rested back on my bed. Then the mass was starting, I could hear it. But I can't. I don't want to. I caught my breath thinking about him, my special friend.
The past few months before I came back here, we attended mass, prayed the rosary and novena together. We always sat next to each other feeling comfortable and warm. He usually rested his ankle on his knee while the other was resting on my leg. I could remember it clearly. I haven't seen him do that with anyone but me. And I liked the feeling of his gestures. We also usually played with our hands, tangling and untangling them, holding each other feeling warm. I could also recall when he snatched away the cookie I was munching on and ate all of it so that I couldn't snatch it back from him. I wince at him then he would give me the cookie he was munching on and smile like it was only normal that I ate his cookie when he eats mine.
One time, his sister would lean next to him and he would move away telling her to stop bothering him and then his sister would ask why he was acting that way toward him but when it was me, he would stay still and even get closer. that was what our sister complain about t times.
"Why don't you want me to hug you but when it comes to him..."
"It's always him..."
That's what my sister always says and that's what I heard from his sister one time.
Those were our memories. Some of them, I mean. Because now, even if i badly miss him and long to be with him, I can't because he's so far away, literally. I left that place because i was a coward. I couldn't face having such satisfying happiness and overwhelming warmth because I know it wouldn't last. I don't expect it, too. I have been to a relationship before that I expected too much and believed in it that much until it only ended painfully sooner than I thought it would. And I don't think I could face that kind of heartbreak again.
I do miss him so much and this Christmas, I won't be able to be with him and listen to Christmas music. I just wish someone could fill the void that I'm feeling now. Someone to patch it but no, that's not what I really want. Because what i want is o see him agaian and continue the happiness I was feeling before i left.
I climbed back to bed feeling cold. The wind is chilly this time of the year here in the Philippines and I wondered how lower the temperature in our province could be.
After drinking water from my new personalized tumbler, I rested back on my bed. Then the mass was starting, I could hear it. But I can't. I don't want to. I caught my breath thinking about him, my special friend.
The past few months before I came back here, we attended mass, prayed the rosary and novena together. We always sat next to each other feeling comfortable and warm. He usually rested his ankle on his knee while the other was resting on my leg. I could remember it clearly. I haven't seen him do that with anyone but me. And I liked the feeling of his gestures. We also usually played with our hands, tangling and untangling them, holding each other feeling warm. I could also recall when he snatched away the cookie I was munching on and ate all of it so that I couldn't snatch it back from him. I wince at him then he would give me the cookie he was munching on and smile like it was only normal that I ate his cookie when he eats mine.
One time, his sister would lean next to him and he would move away telling her to stop bothering him and then his sister would ask why he was acting that way toward him but when it was me, he would stay still and even get closer. that was what our sister complain about t times.
"Why don't you want me to hug you but when it comes to him..."
"It's always him..."
That's what my sister always says and that's what I heard from his sister one time.
Those were our memories. Some of them, I mean. Because now, even if i badly miss him and long to be with him, I can't because he's so far away, literally. I left that place because i was a coward. I couldn't face having such satisfying happiness and overwhelming warmth because I know it wouldn't last. I don't expect it, too. I have been to a relationship before that I expected too much and believed in it that much until it only ended painfully sooner than I thought it would. And I don't think I could face that kind of heartbreak again.
I do miss him so much and this Christmas, I won't be able to be with him and listen to Christmas music. I just wish someone could fill the void that I'm feeling now. Someone to patch it but no, that's not what I really want. Because what i want is o see him agaian and continue the happiness I was feeling before i left.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Farmville Fun
Opening my facebook acccount almost everyday to check my notifications and my games became a habit.
My favorite game so far is farmville wherein I own a farm and manage it. From a small piece of land, I plow then plant and harvest then start all over again. I earn and level up tp make my land vast and rich. Buying seeds and decorations, buying and adopting farm animals and other strange animals that aren't supposed to be in a real farm, planting trees which were givven as gifts by my friends.
When I reach the right level and amount of money, I could upgrade my farm and buy an extension of the land to make it larger because there are so many new things to buy and put in it. I just love it when I level up while competing with my friends. It's so cool. I love the game!
Try playing it on http://www.farmville.com then add me as farmville neighbor. :)
This December, you can pile up gifts up to a hundred under a Christmas tree then you get to open them on Christmas day! I'm so excited to complete my collection.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
14 Books to go?!
I set a personalized challenge for myself this year - MY PERSONAL 2009 CHALLENGE. But I started doing it and setting it halfway of the year that's why I still have to read 15 books.
The challenge I chose for myself is to finish reading books with their author's surnames (A-Z).
The books I finished reading so far for the challenge are the following:
A- Alcott, Luisa May (Little Woman)
B-
C- Cook, Robin (Seizure)
D- Deaves, Jefferey (Devil's Teardrop)
E-
F- Follett, Ken (Hornet Flight and Pillars of the Earth)
G-
H-
I-
J-
K- Kelly. Cathy (Lessons in Heartbreak)
L- Lee, Harper (To Kill a Mocking Bird)
M- Montgomery, L.M. (Anne of Green Gables)
N-
O- Orwell, George ( Animal Farm)
P- Patterson, James (2nd Chance), Prophet, Elizabeth Clare (Lost Years of Jesus Christ)
Q-
R-
S- Soto, Gray (Afterlife) ; Salinger, J.D. (Catcher in the Rye)
T-
U-
V- Vincenzi, Penny (Another Woman and Almost a Crime)
W-
X-
Y- Yap, Joselito (In Our Days) ; Young, Karen (Beyond Summer)
Z-
It's still a long way to go but I have enough time. Tonight, I'm going to finish the book "Ice Maiden" by Edna Buchanan for letter B.
I'm still not finished because maybe I wasn't that focused with the challenge. I made it a rule to myself that I won't include the sequel books in the list and so I didn't but I kept on reading them and I also had read books with the needed letter twice like in letter S above. I was also always being distracted with my other hobbies like sketching, painting, scrapbooking, and writing, which took most of my time.So I must try to focus before January 1, 2010. I must fill in the missing letters above.
Good Lcuk with me and those with reading challenges of their own! :)
The challenge I chose for myself is to finish reading books with their author's surnames (A-Z).
The books I finished reading so far for the challenge are the following:
A- Alcott, Luisa May (Little Woman)
B-
C- Cook, Robin (Seizure)
D- Deaves, Jefferey (Devil's Teardrop)
E-
F- Follett, Ken (Hornet Flight and Pillars of the Earth)
G-
H-
I-
J-
K- Kelly. Cathy (Lessons in Heartbreak)
L- Lee, Harper (To Kill a Mocking Bird)
M- Montgomery, L.M. (Anne of Green Gables)
N-
O- Orwell, George ( Animal Farm)
P- Patterson, James (2nd Chance), Prophet, Elizabeth Clare (Lost Years of Jesus Christ)
Q-
R-
S- Soto, Gray (Afterlife) ; Salinger, J.D. (Catcher in the Rye)
T-
U-
V- Vincenzi, Penny (Another Woman and Almost a Crime)
W-
X-
Y- Yap, Joselito (In Our Days) ; Young, Karen (Beyond Summer)
Z-
It's still a long way to go but I have enough time. Tonight, I'm going to finish the book "Ice Maiden" by Edna Buchanan for letter B.
I'm still not finished because maybe I wasn't that focused with the challenge. I made it a rule to myself that I won't include the sequel books in the list and so I didn't but I kept on reading them and I also had read books with the needed letter twice like in letter S above. I was also always being distracted with my other hobbies like sketching, painting, scrapbooking, and writing, which took most of my time.So I must try to focus before January 1, 2010. I must fill in the missing letters above.
Good Lcuk with me and those with reading challenges of their own! :)
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
NANOWRIMO TGIO Party
As celebration for our efforts in reaching the 50k or more words goal novel in a moth, the ML's for every NaNoWriMo region around the world organize TGIO parties set for a certain date and venue. For our region which is Asia:Philippines was held in Bestsellers, Robinson's Galleria, Ortigas olast Saturday, December 5, 2009 at two to five PM.
I was late. I wasn't even sure at first whether to go meet the other PinoyWrimos in person but I was glad that I did go in the end. And with my luck, who knew I was going to take home this very cute journal and a small pink moleskine notebook from the raffle. And of course, the stickers! I love stickers! It was a cool party.
There was an intermission then wherein Gary - one PinoyWrimo writer - has this composition which was sung by his partner who unfortunately I forgot the name. She's a good singer and she sung three songs. My favorite was the last one she sang entitled "Give Up Sometime".
After some talks from a few of us, the intermission and the raffle, the party ended but I didn't go meet my mom immediately which I was supposed to do because I had coffee with two of the writes - Mae, who is a professor in a Korean School and Tala who is currently working under a non-government Organization (NGO) which has the mission to protect women and children's rights. After chatting and killing time in Gloria Jeans wherein I was freezing because of the Cookies and cream chiller I had which Mae had, too, we went our separate ways and we all went home.
I felt it was sort of another accomplishment, meeting new people I mean, with the same hobbies as me.
Again, thanks to L.B. who is my current inspiration in everything I do. The boy who told me to be the best and who actually appreciates my real talent in writing. He's the one who gave me the reason to come back home here in the Philippines and try to find and live a life - my life.
I was late. I wasn't even sure at first whether to go meet the other PinoyWrimos in person but I was glad that I did go in the end. And with my luck, who knew I was going to take home this very cute journal and a small pink moleskine notebook from the raffle. And of course, the stickers! I love stickers! It was a cool party.
There was an intermission then wherein Gary - one PinoyWrimo writer - has this composition which was sung by his partner who unfortunately I forgot the name. She's a good singer and she sung three songs. My favorite was the last one she sang entitled "Give Up Sometime".
After some talks from a few of us, the intermission and the raffle, the party ended but I didn't go meet my mom immediately which I was supposed to do because I had coffee with two of the writes - Mae, who is a professor in a Korean School and Tala who is currently working under a non-government Organization (NGO) which has the mission to protect women and children's rights. After chatting and killing time in Gloria Jeans wherein I was freezing because of the Cookies and cream chiller I had which Mae had, too, we went our separate ways and we all went home.
I felt it was sort of another accomplishment, meeting new people I mean, with the same hobbies as me.
Again, thanks to L.B. who is my current inspiration in everything I do. The boy who told me to be the best and who actually appreciates my real talent in writing. He's the one who gave me the reason to come back home here in the Philippines and try to find and live a life - my life.
You Are True
You make me fall in love with you
Like no one else can ever do
This song's playing in my head
With every word you said.
Can't take you off my mind
You make me always want to smile
I can't seem to fight it off no more.
With the smile you share
You make me feel your love and care
And with every move you do
Only proves to me that you are true.
With every touch from you
You just don't have one clue
It makes me catch my breath and I fall
all over you.
Is it all true?
***
A/N
This song lyrics I wrote is dedicated to someone special to my heart.
I wrote it as the words just flowed out when his warmth flooded through my systems.
Originally Posted on Breathe Cafe on: Nov. 30, 2009
Like no one else can ever do
This song's playing in my head
With every word you said.
Can't take you off my mind
You make me always want to smile
I can't seem to fight it off no more.
With the smile you share
You make me feel your love and care
And with every move you do
Only proves to me that you are true.
With every touch from you
You just don't have one clue
It makes me catch my breath and I fall
all over you.
Is it all true?
***
A/N
This song lyrics I wrote is dedicated to someone special to my heart.
I wrote it as the words just flowed out when his warmth flooded through my systems.
Originally Posted on Breathe Cafe on: Nov. 30, 2009
Happy Birthday, Tito Edwin
I could still remember the times we had
The love you shared since we were kids
The care you gave even when we were aprt
Placed you, uncle, in a special place in our hearts.
I know we owe you much since the start
But it's not the reason why in us you're a part
But because you're a family and we love you
So always remember we'll always be here for you.
Sometimes we appear like we don't care or we forgot
But it's because we're not sure how to show we love you a lot
People will come and go in your life for reasons
But we'll be here even if everyone leaves and runs.
Originally Posted on Breathe Cafe on: Nov. 16, 2009
The love you shared since we were kids
The care you gave even when we were aprt
Placed you, uncle, in a special place in our hearts.
I know we owe you much since the start
But it's not the reason why in us you're a part
But because you're a family and we love you
So always remember we'll always be here for you.
Sometimes we appear like we don't care or we forgot
But it's because we're not sure how to show we love you a lot
People will come and go in your life for reasons
But we'll be here even if everyone leaves and runs.
Originally Posted on Breathe Cafe on: Nov. 16, 2009
The Dead Girl in My Closet
I was staring at the closed door of the closet - my closet. I know what's hidden in there, wrapped in a transluscent plastic bag.
My uncle killed her. Ot was it my friend who did it? I don't remember.
She was choked to death with a rope. Or did he use his hands?
She was a good girl. I liked her but she's dead and hidden here in my closet. I'm not afraid of her. Poor, poor girl.
No one is looking for her because she ran away from the people who loved her. She eloped with my uncle. Or was it with my friend? I don't remember. All I know is that she's here now in my closet.
I can't tell anyone because I don't want my uncle- or is it my friend- to get caught. He will be hurt if I did tell someone that he hid her in my closet. I won't tell.
Ssshhh... poor pretty girl.
How long will she be hidden here? Wrapped in forever silence. I pity my uncle - or my friend. She got hi mad and that's why she needed to be kept silent.
Now she's gone. My uncle or friend is alone once again. Maybe he's unhappy. It was an accident he killed her. He didn't mean it. I think the girl understands it, too.
Nobody knows she's missing. Nobody thinks so and nobody will ever know the truth.
Originally Posted on Breathe Cafe on: Aug. 15, 2009
My uncle killed her. Ot was it my friend who did it? I don't remember.
She was choked to death with a rope. Or did he use his hands?
She was a good girl. I liked her but she's dead and hidden here in my closet. I'm not afraid of her. Poor, poor girl.
No one is looking for her because she ran away from the people who loved her. She eloped with my uncle. Or was it with my friend? I don't remember. All I know is that she's here now in my closet.
I can't tell anyone because I don't want my uncle- or is it my friend- to get caught. He will be hurt if I did tell someone that he hid her in my closet. I won't tell.
Ssshhh... poor pretty girl.
How long will she be hidden here? Wrapped in forever silence. I pity my uncle - or my friend. She got hi mad and that's why she needed to be kept silent.
Now she's gone. My uncle or friend is alone once again. Maybe he's unhappy. It was an accident he killed her. He didn't mean it. I think the girl understands it, too.
Nobody knows she's missing. Nobody thinks so and nobody will ever know the truth.
Originally Posted on Breathe Cafe on: Aug. 15, 2009
Lady Prankstress
Christel dressed the way she never did before. She wore a black miniskirt which cut above the knee showing her flawless and soft legs she never flaunted before. A tight tank top hugging her perfect breasts and upper body emphasizing her fair and perfect skin. She wore black mascara and eyeliners on her brows and eyes, violet contacts that looked perfect with her curly and long lashes and her lips were colored with crimson red to flaunt her full and kissable lips and lure her victims for revenge.
She walked straight and with full confidence holding her invitation letter to the most popular party of her High school Senior Year.
She wasn’t nervous at all because she felt like another person. She knew no one would realize who she really was especially that she curled her straight hair and colored it silky black with hints of red from its original reddish brown crown to complete her disguise and prank for the night.
Everyone she passed by stared at her even the most popular guy who she wanted her revenge from the most.
Her target was the “Oh-So Glorious Football Team” who played with her feelings because they thought she was dumb. That she was stupid and desperate for attention. All because everyone in school thought she was weird because she was shy and more comfortable when left alone.
But now, she wanted to prove them wrong – Ian, Evan, Lawrence, Tim, Bryan and Brent. They all played with her and hurt her, together with the help of Naiza and three other cheerleaders.
It started when Brent courted her by asking her to the prom and she agreed because he looked sincere with his lines of “All the girls like me but you. Maybe that’s why I like you more than anyone else.” Or “I think I’m falling for you but I’m afraid that I’ll just hurt you in the end.” And the flowers and love notes everyday in her locker. She ended believing and trusting him. But when she dressed for the prom, he never came and when she approached him the day after that in school.
“Y-you… didn’t come,” Christel cleared her throat, all innocent because she believed that there was an acceptable reason behind it.
“What are you talking about?” Naiza asked her and clung to Brent who was hesitant but looked cocky with Naiza in the end.
“The… Prom?” Christel whispered.
“Prom? How foolish! He did come and we enjoyed the night!” she raised a brow on Christel and smiled triumphantly.
“But…”
“I’m sor-” Brent was about to say something but Naiza pulled him away.
“Come on Brent! Let’s leave,” she looked at me from head to toe with disgust.
“We don’t want her weirdness brushing off on us, do we?” she rolled her eyes and groaned.
That afternoon, there was still hope left in Christel that Brent didn’t mean to hurt her but she heard it all from Naiza. Minnie, Dina and Belle who dared Brent to court her if he could.
“He hesitated at first. The idiot! But his team made him,” Naiza giggled and tears rolled down Christel’s cheeks. They all hurt her.
That bight she cried her eyes out in front of the computer while chatting with her online friend Michael- her reliever and confidante even if they’re only chat mates.
Mike_21851420:Maybe he didn’t mean2 hurt u
Yztel :but they already did
Mike_21851420:But maybe Brent didn’t
She felt disappointed because it was like Michael was siding Brent so she didn’t reply back when another IM window appeared. It was her other chat mate Cindy and she told her about what happened.
Cindy_Flirtie:u nid 2 get back at dem, gurl!
Yztel:but im not d kind hu does
Cindy_Flirtie:Well, its abt time 2 change 4 d better
They chatted longer and Christel kept on thinking about what Cindy kept on pushing her to do and when she received the invitation to the party, se decided. It was time.
One by one, she lured the boys in different corners of the venue- seduced them when they were drunk enough and left lipstick marks- that wouldn’t wash off easily- in the perfect shape of her lips on their shirts. She left new bought ladies’ underwear and put them on their pockets for their girlfriends or parents to find out and if they did, it would be a very majestic prank. She wasn’t a good prankstress and it was all she could plan to do. It was her first time anyway in doing such things.
First Ian, then Tim and the other three and at last Brent.
Brent watched her since she arrived at the party but didn’t know what she was up to. Brent was a little drunk but to Christel’s eyes, he already looked drowned in liquor.
They ended up in Brent’s car. It was the first time the whole night that she began to be conscious and nervous but her anger availed and ended up kissing him passionately but she remembered how she hurt her, she slapped him so hard, he passed out.
She left her little signature on his car door window. Her crimson lipstick colored kiss left the mark perfectly with the name “Lady Prankstress”.
It was the talk of the whole school that Monday morning. She felt guilty but proud she did it.
“She’s lady prankstress,” it was Naiza behind Christel while she sat alone in the cafeteria during lunch break.
“No. She couldn’t be,” Brent crossed his brows and shook his head.
“Oh yeah, I forgot. Lady prankstress was sexy, seductive and she-” she raised a brow.
“Chris couldn’t hurt a fly. She couldn’t do that to Ian and the other causing their girlfriends to dump them or their parents to get ballistic,” he looked at Christel in the eye.
“Yeah, she couldn’t-” Naiza was about to continue but they got in her nerves.
“I am Lady prankstress and I did that to defend myself from you!” she pointed a finger at him.
“Stop it, Chris! It couldn’t have been you…” Brent looked around looking worried.
“Wake up Brent! What proof do you want?” she asked seriously.
“I don’t need-” he said when Christel cut him off with the kiss. She knew he wouldn’t forget her kiss that was very passionate that night and the way she pinched his ear as she did.
Brent pushed her away and looked at her with disgust shaking his head.
“So it was…” he said with anger.
“I was wrong about you. I believed that you were pure hearted. I was wrong to have liked you very much! I was WRONG!” he snapped and walked away leaving her and Naiza followed him with a smirk.
Tears streamed down her face uncontrollably while the other students looked at her with shock, fear, anxiety and disgust in their faces. She went home right away crying for what happened. She felt anger, patience, love and hatred all at the same time. She didn’t know what to feel. She opened her IM hoping to find Michael or Cindy online but they weren’t.
Then by ten that night, she woke up and found earlier IMs from Michael.
Michael_21851420:U didn’t listen 2 me
Michael_21851420:Now u did it
Michael_21851420:How cud u? I thot I knew u datz y I liked u
Michael_Brent:Im sorry for hurting u but it wasn’t me that night but naiza came.
Michael_Brent:Dad made me go wid her becoz he’s busness partners wid her parents and I cudnt say no to my dad.
Michael_Brent:Now u made the hurt worse so lets 4get everything
Michael_Brent:Its ALL our faults.No one 2 blame. Bye.
Michael-her reliever, friend and confidante had been Brent all along for almost a year now and she was ignorant of it. Now, everything was spoiled. For the one bad decision she did for herself and he was gone.
She felt her heart break into many pieces like a fragile piece of glass. She threw herself in her bed trembling with the coldness inside her. Tears flooded her cheeks wetting her pillows. She knew she was wrong and lost. She didn’t know what would happen next with hatred from Brent and disgust from the whole school.
For one mistake she did and her world crushed her whole being making her the most unfortunate creature and dirtiest criminal in the world.
One idea from a lipstick, proof from a kiss and everything bad turned worse. And nothing could save her now. Nothing and no one.
Originally Posted on Breathe Cafe on: July 28, 2009
She walked straight and with full confidence holding her invitation letter to the most popular party of her High school Senior Year.
She wasn’t nervous at all because she felt like another person. She knew no one would realize who she really was especially that she curled her straight hair and colored it silky black with hints of red from its original reddish brown crown to complete her disguise and prank for the night.
Everyone she passed by stared at her even the most popular guy who she wanted her revenge from the most.
Her target was the “Oh-So Glorious Football Team” who played with her feelings because they thought she was dumb. That she was stupid and desperate for attention. All because everyone in school thought she was weird because she was shy and more comfortable when left alone.
But now, she wanted to prove them wrong – Ian, Evan, Lawrence, Tim, Bryan and Brent. They all played with her and hurt her, together with the help of Naiza and three other cheerleaders.
It started when Brent courted her by asking her to the prom and she agreed because he looked sincere with his lines of “All the girls like me but you. Maybe that’s why I like you more than anyone else.” Or “I think I’m falling for you but I’m afraid that I’ll just hurt you in the end.” And the flowers and love notes everyday in her locker. She ended believing and trusting him. But when she dressed for the prom, he never came and when she approached him the day after that in school.
“Y-you… didn’t come,” Christel cleared her throat, all innocent because she believed that there was an acceptable reason behind it.
“What are you talking about?” Naiza asked her and clung to Brent who was hesitant but looked cocky with Naiza in the end.
“The… Prom?” Christel whispered.
“Prom? How foolish! He did come and we enjoyed the night!” she raised a brow on Christel and smiled triumphantly.
“But…”
“I’m sor-” Brent was about to say something but Naiza pulled him away.
“Come on Brent! Let’s leave,” she looked at me from head to toe with disgust.
“We don’t want her weirdness brushing off on us, do we?” she rolled her eyes and groaned.
That afternoon, there was still hope left in Christel that Brent didn’t mean to hurt her but she heard it all from Naiza. Minnie, Dina and Belle who dared Brent to court her if he could.
“He hesitated at first. The idiot! But his team made him,” Naiza giggled and tears rolled down Christel’s cheeks. They all hurt her.
That bight she cried her eyes out in front of the computer while chatting with her online friend Michael- her reliever and confidante even if they’re only chat mates.
Mike_21851420:Maybe he didn’t mean2 hurt u
Yztel :but they already did
Mike_21851420:But maybe Brent didn’t
She felt disappointed because it was like Michael was siding Brent so she didn’t reply back when another IM window appeared. It was her other chat mate Cindy and she told her about what happened.
Cindy_Flirtie:u nid 2 get back at dem, gurl!
Yztel:but im not d kind hu does
Cindy_Flirtie:Well, its abt time 2 change 4 d better
They chatted longer and Christel kept on thinking about what Cindy kept on pushing her to do and when she received the invitation to the party, se decided. It was time.
One by one, she lured the boys in different corners of the venue- seduced them when they were drunk enough and left lipstick marks- that wouldn’t wash off easily- in the perfect shape of her lips on their shirts. She left new bought ladies’ underwear and put them on their pockets for their girlfriends or parents to find out and if they did, it would be a very majestic prank. She wasn’t a good prankstress and it was all she could plan to do. It was her first time anyway in doing such things.
First Ian, then Tim and the other three and at last Brent.
Brent watched her since she arrived at the party but didn’t know what she was up to. Brent was a little drunk but to Christel’s eyes, he already looked drowned in liquor.
They ended up in Brent’s car. It was the first time the whole night that she began to be conscious and nervous but her anger availed and ended up kissing him passionately but she remembered how she hurt her, she slapped him so hard, he passed out.
She left her little signature on his car door window. Her crimson lipstick colored kiss left the mark perfectly with the name “Lady Prankstress”.
It was the talk of the whole school that Monday morning. She felt guilty but proud she did it.
“She’s lady prankstress,” it was Naiza behind Christel while she sat alone in the cafeteria during lunch break.
“No. She couldn’t be,” Brent crossed his brows and shook his head.
“Oh yeah, I forgot. Lady prankstress was sexy, seductive and she-” she raised a brow.
“Chris couldn’t hurt a fly. She couldn’t do that to Ian and the other causing their girlfriends to dump them or their parents to get ballistic,” he looked at Christel in the eye.
“Yeah, she couldn’t-” Naiza was about to continue but they got in her nerves.
“I am Lady prankstress and I did that to defend myself from you!” she pointed a finger at him.
“Stop it, Chris! It couldn’t have been you…” Brent looked around looking worried.
“Wake up Brent! What proof do you want?” she asked seriously.
“I don’t need-” he said when Christel cut him off with the kiss. She knew he wouldn’t forget her kiss that was very passionate that night and the way she pinched his ear as she did.
Brent pushed her away and looked at her with disgust shaking his head.
“So it was…” he said with anger.
“I was wrong about you. I believed that you were pure hearted. I was wrong to have liked you very much! I was WRONG!” he snapped and walked away leaving her and Naiza followed him with a smirk.
Tears streamed down her face uncontrollably while the other students looked at her with shock, fear, anxiety and disgust in their faces. She went home right away crying for what happened. She felt anger, patience, love and hatred all at the same time. She didn’t know what to feel. She opened her IM hoping to find Michael or Cindy online but they weren’t.
Then by ten that night, she woke up and found earlier IMs from Michael.
Michael_21851420:U didn’t listen 2 me
Michael_21851420:Now u did it
Michael_21851420:How cud u? I thot I knew u datz y I liked u
Michael_Brent:Im sorry for hurting u but it wasn’t me that night but naiza came.
Michael_Brent:Dad made me go wid her becoz he’s busness partners wid her parents and I cudnt say no to my dad.
Michael_Brent:Now u made the hurt worse so lets 4get everything
Michael_Brent:Its ALL our faults.No one 2 blame. Bye.
Michael-her reliever, friend and confidante had been Brent all along for almost a year now and she was ignorant of it. Now, everything was spoiled. For the one bad decision she did for herself and he was gone.
She felt her heart break into many pieces like a fragile piece of glass. She threw herself in her bed trembling with the coldness inside her. Tears flooded her cheeks wetting her pillows. She knew she was wrong and lost. She didn’t know what would happen next with hatred from Brent and disgust from the whole school.
For one mistake she did and her world crushed her whole being making her the most unfortunate creature and dirtiest criminal in the world.
One idea from a lipstick, proof from a kiss and everything bad turned worse. And nothing could save her now. Nothing and no one.
Originally Posted on Breathe Cafe on: July 28, 2009
Necklace
Kendra walked far away from the cabin. It was raining hard and the path deeper to the woods was wet, slippery and muddy.
"I have to find it!" she thought to herself.
She lost something very valuable to her. She lost her best friend Miko's gift to her on their last friendship anniversary. He was her best friend since they were five. She lost the rare necklace he gave her, which he found and bought from a trip to Rome. She lost it somewhere when she wandered alone in the woods earlier.
"Don't worry about it. If it's lost-" Miko said with a smile of sincerity that he understood it though he couldn't hide that he was a bit upset about the lost of the necklace.
"No! I need to find it!" Kendra cut him off but calmed down a bit.
As soon as she was sure Miko fell asleep, she walked out to the woods trying to follow the trail she took earlier but now she seemed to lose her way. The forest grew greener and she wasn't sure if she was still following the right path anymore.
She earned bruises and scrapes. She started to feel dizzy looking at every corner for the lost necklace. She was soaking wet.
It was getting darker and she lost her way. She couldn't get back to the cabin and it already started snowing.
However, she wasn't thinking about anything else. She didn't worry about the coldness even if she was already freezing. All she thought was she needed to find the necklace because it meant so much to her. It was a representation of Miko's heart.
She fell down when all the mud was already covered with white snow. She was numb. Her bare face and neck felt burning, dried and wounded. She couldn't feel her body anymore. Neither her fingers nor her toes.
She curled up alone on ice. She couldn't find the locket or the cabin. She would die. That's what she thought. The freezing temperature was suffocating her and the snow was starting to bury her. Black dots filled her vision and she believed it was the end of her. Then she passed out into the darkness.
She woke up and heard voices and a panting dog.
The warm sun bathed her body with the summer heat. She woke up from a dream, which truly happened in the past. She touched the necklace which Miko gave her back. He found it on that snowy day for her-for them. It was the day Miko told the truth that he loved her as more than a friend because he realized how life could be so short and unpredictable.
And now here they were on the beach for their 10th anniversary with their son, Hanz and dog Marmee.
Snow and winter were the symbols of their love. Not because they were cold to each other but because it brought the Frostbite that made their decision to confess their endless love for each other.
A/N: My entry for a weekly contest on GR group with the topic "Frostbite".
Originally Posted on Breathe Cafe on: July 21, 2009
"I have to find it!" she thought to herself.
She lost something very valuable to her. She lost her best friend Miko's gift to her on their last friendship anniversary. He was her best friend since they were five. She lost the rare necklace he gave her, which he found and bought from a trip to Rome. She lost it somewhere when she wandered alone in the woods earlier.
"Don't worry about it. If it's lost-" Miko said with a smile of sincerity that he understood it though he couldn't hide that he was a bit upset about the lost of the necklace.
"No! I need to find it!" Kendra cut him off but calmed down a bit.
As soon as she was sure Miko fell asleep, she walked out to the woods trying to follow the trail she took earlier but now she seemed to lose her way. The forest grew greener and she wasn't sure if she was still following the right path anymore.
She earned bruises and scrapes. She started to feel dizzy looking at every corner for the lost necklace. She was soaking wet.
It was getting darker and she lost her way. She couldn't get back to the cabin and it already started snowing.
However, she wasn't thinking about anything else. She didn't worry about the coldness even if she was already freezing. All she thought was she needed to find the necklace because it meant so much to her. It was a representation of Miko's heart.
She fell down when all the mud was already covered with white snow. She was numb. Her bare face and neck felt burning, dried and wounded. She couldn't feel her body anymore. Neither her fingers nor her toes.
She curled up alone on ice. She couldn't find the locket or the cabin. She would die. That's what she thought. The freezing temperature was suffocating her and the snow was starting to bury her. Black dots filled her vision and she believed it was the end of her. Then she passed out into the darkness.
She woke up and heard voices and a panting dog.
The warm sun bathed her body with the summer heat. She woke up from a dream, which truly happened in the past. She touched the necklace which Miko gave her back. He found it on that snowy day for her-for them. It was the day Miko told the truth that he loved her as more than a friend because he realized how life could be so short and unpredictable.
And now here they were on the beach for their 10th anniversary with their son, Hanz and dog Marmee.
Snow and winter were the symbols of their love. Not because they were cold to each other but because it brought the Frostbite that made their decision to confess their endless love for each other.
A/N: My entry for a weekly contest on GR group with the topic "Frostbite".
Originally Posted on Breathe Cafe on: July 21, 2009
Foolish Heart
I locked my room. The room was dark because the lights were out.
“We can’t do this anymore. I can’t love you because I love her,” Stefan said before he left me in the park today.
Before I could say anything, he turned away without any reaction in his face. Nothing at all. I was nothing to him because he loved Jane, my best friend.
I kept myself in the corner where I can see my silhouette in the mirror. My tears were streaming down my face continuously as I stared at my reflection in the mirror without blinking. I tried to stop my breathing because when I breathed, it was painful. I could feel the pain.
I could feel a scar drawn in my heart and I could see the pain in my reflection- the pain that no one could define. The pain searing inside me that all I could think of was why?
I love him and he hurt me always. I always knew he didn’t love me but I held on to him hoping that he would eventually love me back even if that hope was vague. I knew he loved her, my best friend but I couldn’t give him away without having the chance of making him feel that I love him. Every day I did my best to suppress the overflowing love I had for him while still showing him how much I care. I tried not to lose myself but here I was hurting and all alone. It was too late.
My world revolved around him, I couldn’t deny that. Everything reminded me of him and with every breath I made I could see his face, the way we touched and the way I believed he could love me back. I was foolish.
He broke my heart into pieces leaving a very deep wound here in my heart and I could feel it – the hole that cannot be patched. I thought I could make him love me. I thought he’d learn to care. But no he didn’t leaving my fragility bare.
No one caught me. No one understood. Everybody left me because I was the foolish one to have believed the vague hope I had.
I gave him three chances… No! I gave myself three chances to prove that I could love him the way Jane couldn’t and it just left me deeper pain searing through my heart.
And here I am crying. My reflection is showing me how I must hate him but I couldn’t because it wasn’t his fault. It was mine. It wasn’t Jane’s fault too. I couldn’t blame anyone but myself. I was ignorant, innocent and selfish.
I felt something beside me. It felt like a book and I decided to throw it in the mirror leaving shards of sharp glasses everywhere and I held one. The light outside was reflecting itself unto it and I smiled.
This is the end of everything. The unceasing pain that I felt for a whole year and that I knew I would be feeling for the rest of my life – my useless life without Stefan. I held the sharp piece of mirror in my hand and pressed it against my wrist. One slash… only one slash and I’d be free and happier without this wound and pain – the suffering.
I did it! I could feel warm blood flowing in my bare skin. I feel dizzy but I was happy. The physical pain was covering the emotional one and that made me smile. It was over. Everything was over. Nothing could hurt me anymore.
Death is the sweetest revenge and the greatest relief that I could think of to save me from suffering the pain of my broken heart.
Originally Posted on Breathe Cafe on: July 17, 2009
“We can’t do this anymore. I can’t love you because I love her,” Stefan said before he left me in the park today.
Before I could say anything, he turned away without any reaction in his face. Nothing at all. I was nothing to him because he loved Jane, my best friend.
I kept myself in the corner where I can see my silhouette in the mirror. My tears were streaming down my face continuously as I stared at my reflection in the mirror without blinking. I tried to stop my breathing because when I breathed, it was painful. I could feel the pain.
I could feel a scar drawn in my heart and I could see the pain in my reflection- the pain that no one could define. The pain searing inside me that all I could think of was why?
I love him and he hurt me always. I always knew he didn’t love me but I held on to him hoping that he would eventually love me back even if that hope was vague. I knew he loved her, my best friend but I couldn’t give him away without having the chance of making him feel that I love him. Every day I did my best to suppress the overflowing love I had for him while still showing him how much I care. I tried not to lose myself but here I was hurting and all alone. It was too late.
My world revolved around him, I couldn’t deny that. Everything reminded me of him and with every breath I made I could see his face, the way we touched and the way I believed he could love me back. I was foolish.
He broke my heart into pieces leaving a very deep wound here in my heart and I could feel it – the hole that cannot be patched. I thought I could make him love me. I thought he’d learn to care. But no he didn’t leaving my fragility bare.
No one caught me. No one understood. Everybody left me because I was the foolish one to have believed the vague hope I had.
I gave him three chances… No! I gave myself three chances to prove that I could love him the way Jane couldn’t and it just left me deeper pain searing through my heart.
And here I am crying. My reflection is showing me how I must hate him but I couldn’t because it wasn’t his fault. It was mine. It wasn’t Jane’s fault too. I couldn’t blame anyone but myself. I was ignorant, innocent and selfish.
I felt something beside me. It felt like a book and I decided to throw it in the mirror leaving shards of sharp glasses everywhere and I held one. The light outside was reflecting itself unto it and I smiled.
This is the end of everything. The unceasing pain that I felt for a whole year and that I knew I would be feeling for the rest of my life – my useless life without Stefan. I held the sharp piece of mirror in my hand and pressed it against my wrist. One slash… only one slash and I’d be free and happier without this wound and pain – the suffering.
I did it! I could feel warm blood flowing in my bare skin. I feel dizzy but I was happy. The physical pain was covering the emotional one and that made me smile. It was over. Everything was over. Nothing could hurt me anymore.
Death is the sweetest revenge and the greatest relief that I could think of to save me from suffering the pain of my broken heart.
Originally Posted on Breathe Cafe on: July 17, 2009
Lonely Soul
I’ve gone to the woods alone looking for something until I found the river and sat there.
I was thinking of Troy, my best friend. I left him in our old town. We just moved here in this new town a week ago because my mom remarried and she wanted us to relocate with Uncle Christopher.
The river was calm and it didn’t look deep. I sat on the edge letting my feet feel the current when I heard a beautiful voice. It was singing an unknown song and I couldn’t understand anything from it because the singer was uttering a different language. Her voice was beautiful, captivating and heart-melting. So I stood up and followed the mystical voice.
It was coming from the river and I couldn’t stop myself from walking deep in the waters, now getting angrier turning into rapids that were beating up my body. It was too late to go back now, I was deep in the rapids when something caught my feet and pulled me deeper down the bottom.
I was drowning. This mustn’t be happening. I could still hear the singing voice now filled with pure loneliness and melancholy. I couldn’t feel anything but pity for the singing girl. The rapids were still beating up my body. The pressure under the water was choking me when I saw a light.
It was a very bright light and I saw the girl’s long golden hair. She looked human except for the gills and the scales on her whole body. She was very beautiful. No, very beautiful wouldn’t fit her appearance. She looked more than that and any man who would see her wouldn’t be frightened but be captivated with her beauty. Her eyes were pure of longing and sadness that made my heart break into pieces. How could someone so beautiful be so sad? It was a devastating scene.
She continued singing and even with the rapids beating up my body with anger her voice still lulled me into unconsciousness. I couldn’t open my eyes anymore. In the darkness was still her heavenly voice.
************
I woke up coughing out water. My lungs and whole body was hurting. I opened my eyes and Troy was there holding me.
“Where am I? The girl…” I asked immediately. She was the first thing that came up in my mind.
“What girl?” Troy asked me when I saw that we weren’t alone. There was an old man behind him who looked like a fisherman.
“I don’t… I can’t be sure if I was…I was… What happened anyway?” my thoughts were still blurry and I couldn’t figure out what to say or ask.
“You drowned and…” Troy held me tight in his arms now and trailed off.
“You mustn’t be lurking here alone, young lady!” the old man said while he puffed out the smoke from his cigar.
“This part is very dangerous. I bet you saw her, that bloody mermaid can still be here!” he spat.
“Mermaid?” Troy and I asked almost at the same time. Troy looked confused and I was scared.
“Neh! Everyone kept laughing at me whenever I told the tale about this river!” he shook his head and spat again.
“Told ‘em not to be lurking around here but they thought I only wanted this place for myself! Bloody idiots didn’t listen and what did they get?” he laughed mockingly.
“They lost three boys and a girl! I know that mermaid had them!” he smoked.
“What happened?” I straightened up still holding Troy’s hand.
“To those bloody kids? Well, served them right. They were lured by the beauty of that bloody creature’s voice and appearance!” he looked at us maybe looking for any sign that we would be laughing at him but I couldn’t laugh at him. I knew he was telling an inexplicable truth.
“Could’ve saved them if they didn’t laugh at me but they pissed me off and called me a crazy bastard!” he added.
“You didn’t save them because they laughed at you?” Troy asked in disbelief.
“I tried to but bloody kids had a gun and fired at me. Shot me in the shoulder,” he rubbed his left shoulder. He tried saving them but they shooed him off.
“You saw her, right?” he winced at me and I nodded in answer.
“Lucky, we got to you just in time!”
“What does she want with people? That… that mermaid?” I asked nervously.
“She’s alone. My dad’s best friend died protecting her a very long time ago. They were lovers – Edwin and her. Since then she got angry with people who get close to this part of the river and sings that cursed song which hypnotizes people causing them to follow it then they drown,” he shook his head and flicked away his cigar and stepped on it.
“When she sings the song, the calmness of the river is replaced by her anger and sadness then the deadly rapids come and drown people away,” he let out a deep breath then looked at me again and smiled.
“That’s… really sad,” I uttered. I felt pity for the mermaid. She was only lonely.
“Sad?” he grunted.
“Maybe. But she already killed four kids and some are still missing until now,” he said.
“But… but you. I mean she doesn’t hurt you or…?” Troy trailed off. I knew that like me he was curious to know why he was still alive even though he lives near this part of the forest that he told us was dangerous.
“Edwin, her lover gave me this pendant made of seashell that she only knew where to get. It helps me ignore her voice and appearance. I can’t leave this place. I protect the people from her,” he spat again.
And I realized he wasn’t that bad. He looked like a snob but he still cared for other people. I bet he also cared for the mermaid but he wouldn’t admit it to anyone. The poor lonely soul living in the river who wants a revenge that couldn’t be fulfilled whether how many she kills because she lost the only one she dared to love.
Then I realized Troy was with me once again. My near death experience and the tale of the river made me realize how important my life is and how I wanted to share it wholly with him, my best friend, Troy.
Originally Posted on Breathe Cafe on: July 16,2009
I was thinking of Troy, my best friend. I left him in our old town. We just moved here in this new town a week ago because my mom remarried and she wanted us to relocate with Uncle Christopher.
The river was calm and it didn’t look deep. I sat on the edge letting my feet feel the current when I heard a beautiful voice. It was singing an unknown song and I couldn’t understand anything from it because the singer was uttering a different language. Her voice was beautiful, captivating and heart-melting. So I stood up and followed the mystical voice.
It was coming from the river and I couldn’t stop myself from walking deep in the waters, now getting angrier turning into rapids that were beating up my body. It was too late to go back now, I was deep in the rapids when something caught my feet and pulled me deeper down the bottom.
I was drowning. This mustn’t be happening. I could still hear the singing voice now filled with pure loneliness and melancholy. I couldn’t feel anything but pity for the singing girl. The rapids were still beating up my body. The pressure under the water was choking me when I saw a light.
It was a very bright light and I saw the girl’s long golden hair. She looked human except for the gills and the scales on her whole body. She was very beautiful. No, very beautiful wouldn’t fit her appearance. She looked more than that and any man who would see her wouldn’t be frightened but be captivated with her beauty. Her eyes were pure of longing and sadness that made my heart break into pieces. How could someone so beautiful be so sad? It was a devastating scene.
She continued singing and even with the rapids beating up my body with anger her voice still lulled me into unconsciousness. I couldn’t open my eyes anymore. In the darkness was still her heavenly voice.
************
I woke up coughing out water. My lungs and whole body was hurting. I opened my eyes and Troy was there holding me.
“Where am I? The girl…” I asked immediately. She was the first thing that came up in my mind.
“What girl?” Troy asked me when I saw that we weren’t alone. There was an old man behind him who looked like a fisherman.
“I don’t… I can’t be sure if I was…I was… What happened anyway?” my thoughts were still blurry and I couldn’t figure out what to say or ask.
“You drowned and…” Troy held me tight in his arms now and trailed off.
“You mustn’t be lurking here alone, young lady!” the old man said while he puffed out the smoke from his cigar.
“This part is very dangerous. I bet you saw her, that bloody mermaid can still be here!” he spat.
“Mermaid?” Troy and I asked almost at the same time. Troy looked confused and I was scared.
“Neh! Everyone kept laughing at me whenever I told the tale about this river!” he shook his head and spat again.
“Told ‘em not to be lurking around here but they thought I only wanted this place for myself! Bloody idiots didn’t listen and what did they get?” he laughed mockingly.
“They lost three boys and a girl! I know that mermaid had them!” he smoked.
“What happened?” I straightened up still holding Troy’s hand.
“To those bloody kids? Well, served them right. They were lured by the beauty of that bloody creature’s voice and appearance!” he looked at us maybe looking for any sign that we would be laughing at him but I couldn’t laugh at him. I knew he was telling an inexplicable truth.
“Could’ve saved them if they didn’t laugh at me but they pissed me off and called me a crazy bastard!” he added.
“You didn’t save them because they laughed at you?” Troy asked in disbelief.
“I tried to but bloody kids had a gun and fired at me. Shot me in the shoulder,” he rubbed his left shoulder. He tried saving them but they shooed him off.
“You saw her, right?” he winced at me and I nodded in answer.
“Lucky, we got to you just in time!”
“What does she want with people? That… that mermaid?” I asked nervously.
“She’s alone. My dad’s best friend died protecting her a very long time ago. They were lovers – Edwin and her. Since then she got angry with people who get close to this part of the river and sings that cursed song which hypnotizes people causing them to follow it then they drown,” he shook his head and flicked away his cigar and stepped on it.
“When she sings the song, the calmness of the river is replaced by her anger and sadness then the deadly rapids come and drown people away,” he let out a deep breath then looked at me again and smiled.
“That’s… really sad,” I uttered. I felt pity for the mermaid. She was only lonely.
“Sad?” he grunted.
“Maybe. But she already killed four kids and some are still missing until now,” he said.
“But… but you. I mean she doesn’t hurt you or…?” Troy trailed off. I knew that like me he was curious to know why he was still alive even though he lives near this part of the forest that he told us was dangerous.
“Edwin, her lover gave me this pendant made of seashell that she only knew where to get. It helps me ignore her voice and appearance. I can’t leave this place. I protect the people from her,” he spat again.
And I realized he wasn’t that bad. He looked like a snob but he still cared for other people. I bet he also cared for the mermaid but he wouldn’t admit it to anyone. The poor lonely soul living in the river who wants a revenge that couldn’t be fulfilled whether how many she kills because she lost the only one she dared to love.
Then I realized Troy was with me once again. My near death experience and the tale of the river made me realize how important my life is and how I wanted to share it wholly with him, my best friend, Troy.
Originally Posted on Breathe Cafe on: July 16,2009
Deadly Game
I want to lose my breath so badly
I want to forever close my eyes deeply
Leak my blooad away from my body
I want to leave this world, it's my plea.
It wounds me everyday, deeper and deeper
I don't want to keep our mem'ries, I'm no keeper.
Right now, I want to shiver and drown to death
I want to forever lose my body's breath.
Take my lungs right now, they're of no use
They just keep me breathing and taking painful news
I'm starting to concieve insanity because of pain
What did I do that made you start this deadly game?
I'm giving you this knife so sharp to murder
One slash in my pulse and I'll be free and happier
I want to be with you until the game's fairly finished
But you chated, you left me, found a new one and vanished.
Be back is all I ask, I want to be with you
You're my breath, my life... my all is you.
Living without you is living with hell of death
So take this knife, I want to bleed till here with me is DEATH!
Originally Posted on Breathe Cafe on: July 14, 3009
I want to forever close my eyes deeply
Leak my blooad away from my body
I want to leave this world, it's my plea.
It wounds me everyday, deeper and deeper
I don't want to keep our mem'ries, I'm no keeper.
Right now, I want to shiver and drown to death
I want to forever lose my body's breath.
Take my lungs right now, they're of no use
They just keep me breathing and taking painful news
I'm starting to concieve insanity because of pain
What did I do that made you start this deadly game?
I'm giving you this knife so sharp to murder
One slash in my pulse and I'll be free and happier
I want to be with you until the game's fairly finished
But you chated, you left me, found a new one and vanished.
Be back is all I ask, I want to be with you
You're my breath, my life... my all is you.
Living without you is living with hell of death
So take this knife, I want to bleed till here with me is DEATH!
Originally Posted on Breathe Cafe on: July 14, 3009
Only
I have no choice but to move on and forget
But memories just stay and haunt me to death
Emotional murder, buried love and dug hatred
I wish all of what’s been done be reverted.
Accepting the fact that all of it were just faults.
I left everyone wounds and to myself insults,
Pretty harsh details of the past vaguely unravel
The smile I always knew now locked up in a chamber.
The notion of him needing me and all my time
Barged me up like I committed a murd’rous crime.
I hoped I’d change in the pillar of both of our hearts
But all was wrong, hopes faded ‘cause he admitted that in his heart heart
I was not a part!
Originally Posted on Breathe Cafe on: July 13, 2009
It was all cruelty but from my fault
I closed my mind from reality and gained all insults
Broken hearts, broken beliefs from crushes turned bitter
I wish I’ve realized it sooner and not later than later.
If I was more mature and was not for first time
Innocence would not have submerged my mind
Experience would have waken me up if only
I wasn’t selfish and if I wasn’t stupid enough to love so fully.
But memories just stay and haunt me to death
Emotional murder, buried love and dug hatred
I wish all of what’s been done be reverted.
Accepting the fact that all of it were just faults.
I left everyone wounds and to myself insults,
Pretty harsh details of the past vaguely unravel
The smile I always knew now locked up in a chamber.
The notion of him needing me and all my time
Barged me up like I committed a murd’rous crime.
I hoped I’d change in the pillar of both of our hearts
But all was wrong, hopes faded ‘cause he admitted that in his heart heart
I was not a part!
Originally Posted on Breathe Cafe on: July 13, 2009
It was all cruelty but from my fault
I closed my mind from reality and gained all insults
Broken hearts, broken beliefs from crushes turned bitter
I wish I’ve realized it sooner and not later than later.
If I was more mature and was not for first time
Innocence would not have submerged my mind
Experience would have waken me up if only
I wasn’t selfish and if I wasn’t stupid enough to love so fully.
Life isn't A Fairy Tale
I sat there under the canopy of our favorite café. I could smell the freshly baked bread and the aroma of the newly blended coffee right by the counter and with it flashed memories of Nick and me in the park in front of the café itself. Nick was my boyfriend for two years and we were happy. He was passionate and thoughtful all the time and those were one of the reasons I easily fell in love with him. He gave me flowers and chocolates during special occasions and holidays or sometimes if he just feels like it. I loved him so much and I gave my heart wholly to him. Nobody and nothing could break us apart and that was his everyday promise which I held onto until today.
My morning alarm clock was off but eventually I would still wake up because he would call and greet me a good morning and tell me how much I mean to him.
“Good morning, hon. It’s a Sunday so I called late as usual because I want you to get enough sleep but you shouldn’t sleep all day so now I called,” Nick was on the other line and it was about ten in the morning.
“Umm… thanks,” I said with that groaning voice of a person who just woke up and was still not ready to get up.
“I’m picking you up, hon… because I want to spend this whole day with you. As you know this week was hectic and I miss you so much already. Let’s have a picnic in the park before another busy week would start and I couldn’t start it without being with you so be ready in about an hour,” he said.
It was like that often. He was always thoughtful, sweet and yeah, thoughtful. Sometimes I also feel tired of him being like that but I love him and I understand why he was like that. He was like other guys who are in love but he’s more open and vocal with his feelings and I’m just lucky to have him.
We were classmates in high school, close friends in college and ended up being lovers before we graduated. At first, I didn’t like the thought that he fell for me and I felt awkward when he was around but when a new girl arrived in the university where we studied flirted with him and lured him into a date, I felt jealous and it was the start of our story.
The longer that I was with him, the deeper I knew and felt how much I love him. He’s my world… the breath that I need to live and maybe if he’s gone I couldn’t survive and continue to live anymore. It was one of my everyday struggles too… having the fear of losing him one day and with that, I’m not ready and maybe wouldn’t be ready enough to face it if that happened. I already found him, my one true love.
He brought my favorite chips and made a special sushi for me which was my favorite food. I was very happy that we get to spend another day together without the stress of work and time. I couldn’t help but feel I was in heaven because that’s what I always feel when we’re together. I always wish that time would stop and I could be with him forever until I die. He’s my life anyway and a day without him is like an eternity of torture because I miss him immediately and sometimes that’s why we fight because I couldn’t control how I feel and get jealous of his own work that I was aware of but after a fight we get more intimate and deeper in love with each other. I was happy, I could feel tears forming in the side of my eyes… tears of joy and I wanted the moment to last.
“Want some ice cream, hon?” he asked me and I nodded with a smile in agreement.
“I’ll get our favorite,” he said as he walked along the highway to get across to the ice cream shop where we also spend much time together for the past years.
I looked up the sky and sighed. The sun was shining brightly and it was a bit windy. I could remember him flying a kite while we also had the same scene and weather in the past. I could just smile while reminiscing those happy days. I just thought that next week if the weather would still be the same, I’ll ask him to fly a kite with me again and I’m sure he would agree.
“I got our favorite with extra chocolate chips, hon,” he called out to me as he walked across the street.
He had a wide smile in his face while staring at me as he approached and crossed the street when I heard a car screeching and beeping. It was about to hit Nick and I saw him wearing his earphones; he couldn’t hear the car coming to him.
Crash!
A crowd of people were around us as the first-aid team carried him to the ambulance. There was blood flooding the spot where we left and he wasn’t moving. He was hit hard. I didn’t know what to do. The car ran away after hitting him. I couldn’t feel my body, I was weak. I couldn’t believe it happened. My tears incessantly streamed down my face and I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t breathe. It mustn’t be happening. I wanted to go crazy. What did I do to deserve such pain? I couldn’t bear it. The only hope I have in that scene was he’s still breathing. I didn’t want to lose him and I was shivering all over. I wanted to be there in his place instead of seeing him like this. We were just having a picnic. I mustn’t have agreed in going out today. This was all my fault. Oh, Nick!
I waited anxiously… he was inside the emergency room. I didn’t know what was happening inside. I was also in a mess… my feelings were mixed up and I felt like I’d end up in a mental hospital if ever he would leave me forever. How about our plans? Our future? The promises that he made? Our promises? How could I be able to live if he’d be gone? Please save him. I didn’t want this. It couldn't be real.
“God! Why? Why Nick? Why?” I said as I stared at the cross in one of the walls of the hospital. I saw Nick’s condition. I couldn’t imagine it but still I’ve seen it. I knew I’d blame God for this if he’d take Nick away from me. Why him? He’s my life… an unbearable pain could cause my death. I didn’t hurt anybody all my life but why is this happening. I couldn’t live without him. I didn’t want to live without him.
“Aunt Elizabeth,” a child called upon me.
“Were you thinking about the story you told me about?” Nick asked. He was a child with the age of 6.
"Don’t be sad again. I’m here.” He consoled me for the hundredth time.
I smiled at him even if I could still feel something inside me that’s in pain. I could remember how the doctor told me that Nick, my one true love was gone forever. My older brother got me back to the south where we originally lived after seeing a shrink regularly for almost a year. I was in deep grief and until now, I still couldn’t forget that part of my life which was now just a part of my past. Nick was a child that my cousin, who also died, left as an orphan. They met a car accident and Nick miraculously lived so I adopted him when he was 4. It was a coincidence that his name was the same as my Nick and it was also a coincidence that he came into my life. He gave me another reason to live because now he lived with me back to the city. I was his parent now. I adopted him. I didn’t know if I could love again but I didn’t need to find someone who would love me. I would just live my life fully with my adopted son Nick.
I stood up and held his little hand. We were leaving the café because he needs to take his afternoon nap. It was a Sunday routine that I play with him in the park during the morning and we’ll go home after having lunch in the restaurant or sometimes at McDonald’s so that he could take his afternoon nap.
“Aunt, I want an ice cream,” he said.
“But you just had one a while ago. One is enough, okay?” I said but he didn’t want to listen. He sat on the cement and pouted.
“So you want an ice cream?” a stranger asked.
Nick nodded. I tried to stop him in convincing Nick by shaking my head lightly to him while Nick was staring at the ground but the next thing I saw was he was already tugging Nick along as they walked to the ice cream shop. He borrowed him for a while and all I could do was smiled.
“I’ll ask them to add extra chocolate chip on top of it just for you,” he said as he looked at me and smiled.
I suddenly remembered that smile and Nick’s (my deceased boyfriend) favorite extra chocolate chip on top of our favorite ice cream. With that smile and look in his face, he felt really familiar to me. Was it a sign for another unexpected story of my life which I wasn’t still prepared for? Or was I just missing Nick again? Maybe I would just go with the flow of things that’ll happen and as of now, I was happy and contented in my life.
I smiled back at him, the new owner of the restaurant whose name was Matt.
Originally Posted on Breathe Cafe on: July 12, 2009
My morning alarm clock was off but eventually I would still wake up because he would call and greet me a good morning and tell me how much I mean to him.
“Good morning, hon. It’s a Sunday so I called late as usual because I want you to get enough sleep but you shouldn’t sleep all day so now I called,” Nick was on the other line and it was about ten in the morning.
“Umm… thanks,” I said with that groaning voice of a person who just woke up and was still not ready to get up.
“I’m picking you up, hon… because I want to spend this whole day with you. As you know this week was hectic and I miss you so much already. Let’s have a picnic in the park before another busy week would start and I couldn’t start it without being with you so be ready in about an hour,” he said.
It was like that often. He was always thoughtful, sweet and yeah, thoughtful. Sometimes I also feel tired of him being like that but I love him and I understand why he was like that. He was like other guys who are in love but he’s more open and vocal with his feelings and I’m just lucky to have him.
We were classmates in high school, close friends in college and ended up being lovers before we graduated. At first, I didn’t like the thought that he fell for me and I felt awkward when he was around but when a new girl arrived in the university where we studied flirted with him and lured him into a date, I felt jealous and it was the start of our story.
The longer that I was with him, the deeper I knew and felt how much I love him. He’s my world… the breath that I need to live and maybe if he’s gone I couldn’t survive and continue to live anymore. It was one of my everyday struggles too… having the fear of losing him one day and with that, I’m not ready and maybe wouldn’t be ready enough to face it if that happened. I already found him, my one true love.
He brought my favorite chips and made a special sushi for me which was my favorite food. I was very happy that we get to spend another day together without the stress of work and time. I couldn’t help but feel I was in heaven because that’s what I always feel when we’re together. I always wish that time would stop and I could be with him forever until I die. He’s my life anyway and a day without him is like an eternity of torture because I miss him immediately and sometimes that’s why we fight because I couldn’t control how I feel and get jealous of his own work that I was aware of but after a fight we get more intimate and deeper in love with each other. I was happy, I could feel tears forming in the side of my eyes… tears of joy and I wanted the moment to last.
“Want some ice cream, hon?” he asked me and I nodded with a smile in agreement.
“I’ll get our favorite,” he said as he walked along the highway to get across to the ice cream shop where we also spend much time together for the past years.
I looked up the sky and sighed. The sun was shining brightly and it was a bit windy. I could remember him flying a kite while we also had the same scene and weather in the past. I could just smile while reminiscing those happy days. I just thought that next week if the weather would still be the same, I’ll ask him to fly a kite with me again and I’m sure he would agree.
“I got our favorite with extra chocolate chips, hon,” he called out to me as he walked across the street.
He had a wide smile in his face while staring at me as he approached and crossed the street when I heard a car screeching and beeping. It was about to hit Nick and I saw him wearing his earphones; he couldn’t hear the car coming to him.
Crash!
A crowd of people were around us as the first-aid team carried him to the ambulance. There was blood flooding the spot where we left and he wasn’t moving. He was hit hard. I didn’t know what to do. The car ran away after hitting him. I couldn’t feel my body, I was weak. I couldn’t believe it happened. My tears incessantly streamed down my face and I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t breathe. It mustn’t be happening. I wanted to go crazy. What did I do to deserve such pain? I couldn’t bear it. The only hope I have in that scene was he’s still breathing. I didn’t want to lose him and I was shivering all over. I wanted to be there in his place instead of seeing him like this. We were just having a picnic. I mustn’t have agreed in going out today. This was all my fault. Oh, Nick!
I waited anxiously… he was inside the emergency room. I didn’t know what was happening inside. I was also in a mess… my feelings were mixed up and I felt like I’d end up in a mental hospital if ever he would leave me forever. How about our plans? Our future? The promises that he made? Our promises? How could I be able to live if he’d be gone? Please save him. I didn’t want this. It couldn't be real.
“God! Why? Why Nick? Why?” I said as I stared at the cross in one of the walls of the hospital. I saw Nick’s condition. I couldn’t imagine it but still I’ve seen it. I knew I’d blame God for this if he’d take Nick away from me. Why him? He’s my life… an unbearable pain could cause my death. I didn’t hurt anybody all my life but why is this happening. I couldn’t live without him. I didn’t want to live without him.
“Aunt Elizabeth,” a child called upon me.
“Were you thinking about the story you told me about?” Nick asked. He was a child with the age of 6.
"Don’t be sad again. I’m here.” He consoled me for the hundredth time.
I smiled at him even if I could still feel something inside me that’s in pain. I could remember how the doctor told me that Nick, my one true love was gone forever. My older brother got me back to the south where we originally lived after seeing a shrink regularly for almost a year. I was in deep grief and until now, I still couldn’t forget that part of my life which was now just a part of my past. Nick was a child that my cousin, who also died, left as an orphan. They met a car accident and Nick miraculously lived so I adopted him when he was 4. It was a coincidence that his name was the same as my Nick and it was also a coincidence that he came into my life. He gave me another reason to live because now he lived with me back to the city. I was his parent now. I adopted him. I didn’t know if I could love again but I didn’t need to find someone who would love me. I would just live my life fully with my adopted son Nick.
I stood up and held his little hand. We were leaving the café because he needs to take his afternoon nap. It was a Sunday routine that I play with him in the park during the morning and we’ll go home after having lunch in the restaurant or sometimes at McDonald’s so that he could take his afternoon nap.
“Aunt, I want an ice cream,” he said.
“But you just had one a while ago. One is enough, okay?” I said but he didn’t want to listen. He sat on the cement and pouted.
“So you want an ice cream?” a stranger asked.
Nick nodded. I tried to stop him in convincing Nick by shaking my head lightly to him while Nick was staring at the ground but the next thing I saw was he was already tugging Nick along as they walked to the ice cream shop. He borrowed him for a while and all I could do was smiled.
“I’ll ask them to add extra chocolate chip on top of it just for you,” he said as he looked at me and smiled.
I suddenly remembered that smile and Nick’s (my deceased boyfriend) favorite extra chocolate chip on top of our favorite ice cream. With that smile and look in his face, he felt really familiar to me. Was it a sign for another unexpected story of my life which I wasn’t still prepared for? Or was I just missing Nick again? Maybe I would just go with the flow of things that’ll happen and as of now, I was happy and contented in my life.
I smiled back at him, the new owner of the restaurant whose name was Matt.
Originally Posted on Breathe Cafe on: July 12, 2009
Goodbye Letter
I examined the outside of the envelope to see if there was any name written in it. I knew it didn't come from Trixie. Why would she even give me a letter. My heart started racing eager yet afraid at the same time to know where it came from.
I opened it and saw a skyblue stationary folded inside. I was slightly trembling. I looked at the name and it was addressed to me spelling the name "Criselda" and it came from Paul (my best friend's boyfriend). I dropped it as I read his name and took a deep breath. I set it aside and went to the kitchen and tried to have cereals. I took my time in deciding whether to read it or not.
I took a bath and brushed my teeth still thinking about it. And when I was all dressed like I would be going out which I wasn't planning on, I went back to the couch. I took the letter again and finally decided to read it.
Criselda,
I'm sorry for the other night. For Justin. For hurting Faith. For hurting you and for all that I did. I was a jerk! I know. Please read this letter and finish it. I don't expect you to forgive me but I still hope that you will.
I met Faith and you. I liked her at the moment that I saw her but after a week, I noticed you. You were always looking out for her. You weren't selfish. You were nice and everything and I started liking you and I just woke up one day and knew that I love you but I know we couldn't be together. I was afraid.
I didn't break up with Faith even though I don't love her because I knew that when I did break up with her, you will eventually hate me for hurting your friend. I don't want you to hate me so I tried to ignore the feeling until I couldn't hide it anymore.
Trixie knew about this and she told me I must do something about it. I agreed with her that maybe because you were Faith's best friend, she will eventually understand that we love each other if she saw us together but the plan failed.
I told Faith Trixie was stalking me and everything to make her jealous. I told her that maybe if we can pretend that you are with me, Trixie would back off because you're with her in the squad. Yes, it was all my plan to be with you but you just kept hiding. I couldn't see any sign that you love me but there was also no sign that you don't so Jay came to me. Jay Thompson, the guy in the back....
I looked away from the letter and remembered it. Jay was the nerd in class who always sat on the back. He didn't have any friends because he was a know-it-all and he annoyed everyone that's why he always stayed at the back of the class. I've only seen him or noticed him maybe just about three times before he went to me and dressed in a cool fashioned make over and told me he was Justin. I never knew he could do that- change and befriend me.
I shook my head from the memory and continued reading.
Jayson Justin Thompson, the guy in the back of the class. He went to me when I was too desperate on finding a way on how we could be together and so I had the idea.
I thought that if you would make a new friend in his person, maybe you would be more open and learn that the world isn't only about Faith. But again, it failed because he started to like you a lot and I hated him for that.
And so it seems there's really no chance for us. You hate me now. I'm such an ass. I hate myself,too. I made the one I love hate me. I'm so stupid.
I've decided to leave. I'm so sorry, Cris. I'm sorry that I love you and that I hurt you. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
Tears fell on the stationary I was reading and I can't breathe. Paul was leaving me. I don't know what to feel. I was trembling. This was what I was afraid of. I wiped the tears blurring my eyes from reading Paul's letter and continued still.
I'll just be in school today to get my grades and other forms. Don't worry. I'll warn them to back off. They won't spread rumors about it. I'll be sure you won't see me in school today. I promise. I'm sorry.
So so sorry.Goodbye. Always keep safe and good luck in your studies. I hope you find the right one for you.
Paul
A/N:
This is the goodbye letter from taken from chapter 12 of my story Playing Pretend (My boyfriend is Hers) Book 1 than can be found on goodreads.
Originally Posted on Breathe Cafe on: July 11, 2009
I opened it and saw a skyblue stationary folded inside. I was slightly trembling. I looked at the name and it was addressed to me spelling the name "Criselda" and it came from Paul (my best friend's boyfriend). I dropped it as I read his name and took a deep breath. I set it aside and went to the kitchen and tried to have cereals. I took my time in deciding whether to read it or not.
I took a bath and brushed my teeth still thinking about it. And when I was all dressed like I would be going out which I wasn't planning on, I went back to the couch. I took the letter again and finally decided to read it.
Criselda,
I'm sorry for the other night. For Justin. For hurting Faith. For hurting you and for all that I did. I was a jerk! I know. Please read this letter and finish it. I don't expect you to forgive me but I still hope that you will.
I met Faith and you. I liked her at the moment that I saw her but after a week, I noticed you. You were always looking out for her. You weren't selfish. You were nice and everything and I started liking you and I just woke up one day and knew that I love you but I know we couldn't be together. I was afraid.
I didn't break up with Faith even though I don't love her because I knew that when I did break up with her, you will eventually hate me for hurting your friend. I don't want you to hate me so I tried to ignore the feeling until I couldn't hide it anymore.
Trixie knew about this and she told me I must do something about it. I agreed with her that maybe because you were Faith's best friend, she will eventually understand that we love each other if she saw us together but the plan failed.
I told Faith Trixie was stalking me and everything to make her jealous. I told her that maybe if we can pretend that you are with me, Trixie would back off because you're with her in the squad. Yes, it was all my plan to be with you but you just kept hiding. I couldn't see any sign that you love me but there was also no sign that you don't so Jay came to me. Jay Thompson, the guy in the back....
I looked away from the letter and remembered it. Jay was the nerd in class who always sat on the back. He didn't have any friends because he was a know-it-all and he annoyed everyone that's why he always stayed at the back of the class. I've only seen him or noticed him maybe just about three times before he went to me and dressed in a cool fashioned make over and told me he was Justin. I never knew he could do that- change and befriend me.
I shook my head from the memory and continued reading.
Jayson Justin Thompson, the guy in the back of the class. He went to me when I was too desperate on finding a way on how we could be together and so I had the idea.
I thought that if you would make a new friend in his person, maybe you would be more open and learn that the world isn't only about Faith. But again, it failed because he started to like you a lot and I hated him for that.
And so it seems there's really no chance for us. You hate me now. I'm such an ass. I hate myself,too. I made the one I love hate me. I'm so stupid.
I've decided to leave. I'm so sorry, Cris. I'm sorry that I love you and that I hurt you. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
Tears fell on the stationary I was reading and I can't breathe. Paul was leaving me. I don't know what to feel. I was trembling. This was what I was afraid of. I wiped the tears blurring my eyes from reading Paul's letter and continued still.
I'll just be in school today to get my grades and other forms. Don't worry. I'll warn them to back off. They won't spread rumors about it. I'll be sure you won't see me in school today. I promise. I'm sorry.
So so sorry.Goodbye. Always keep safe and good luck in your studies. I hope you find the right one for you.
Paul
A/N:
This is the goodbye letter from taken from chapter 12 of my story Playing Pretend (My boyfriend is Hers) Book 1 than can be found on goodreads.
Originally Posted on Breathe Cafe on: July 11, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Personalized
I've been thinking about Breathe cafe a lot. I mean if I should erase it or not because I want a blog of my literary works on my own. I couldn't face deleting the cafe because my online friends' works are there so I decided to make my own blog with my literary works there and everything.
I've made three blogs namely Breathe cafe, Wall of Scribs and SiNgUrL's Bookshelf and now I'm making another one. I'm still deciding whether to merge this new blog of mine with Wall of Scribs and SiNgUrL's Bookshelf but I think it's messy if I did that so I'm still not sure about it.
What I'm sure about right now is to copy and paste my works here from breathe cafe and my other works that haven't been posted to any of the blogs yet.
Writing is in my heart and soul. It is my being and without it, I don't know how I could have escaped the many roller coaster emotional, physical, and mental aspects of my life. Oh, did I mention emotional? Yeah, that MUST be there because it helped me a lot in understanding many things when I was so down and depressed three years ago.
Oh, of course... with writing is reading. I also love reading especially the classic books which weren't tackled in school by the english classes I had since elementary.
Besides writing is painting, sketching, scrapbooking and all those hobbies that has something to do with arts and crafts. So I'll be posting most of my works here so that you could take a peek into what's inside my heart and soul. :)
I've made three blogs namely Breathe cafe, Wall of Scribs and SiNgUrL's Bookshelf and now I'm making another one. I'm still deciding whether to merge this new blog of mine with Wall of Scribs and SiNgUrL's Bookshelf but I think it's messy if I did that so I'm still not sure about it.
What I'm sure about right now is to copy and paste my works here from breathe cafe and my other works that haven't been posted to any of the blogs yet.
Writing is in my heart and soul. It is my being and without it, I don't know how I could have escaped the many roller coaster emotional, physical, and mental aspects of my life. Oh, did I mention emotional? Yeah, that MUST be there because it helped me a lot in understanding many things when I was so down and depressed three years ago.
Oh, of course... with writing is reading. I also love reading especially the classic books which weren't tackled in school by the english classes I had since elementary.
Besides writing is painting, sketching, scrapbooking and all those hobbies that has something to do with arts and crafts. So I'll be posting most of my works here so that you could take a peek into what's inside my heart and soul. :)
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